


rust and rain and everything is still the same

by SwordintheThrone



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fuckbuddies, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29668833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordintheThrone/pseuds/SwordintheThrone
Summary: A lot of things happen between the time Shizuo turns twenty-five and the time he turns twenty-seven. Not a conclusive list of the more notable happenings, but three that happen in the same five minutes:Izaya Orihara's voice is tight as he snaps, "I hate you," and everything feels different. Itisdifferent, because even though Izaya always means it, he's never sounded like this quite so much.Izaya Orihara then backs Shizuo into a wall with a surprising amount of strength for a brat that skinny.Shizuo kisses Izaya Orihara like he maybe, possibly, doesn't hate him back.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> canon divergent / i didn't finish drrr so interpret things as you will

As soon as Shizuo wakes up, his plans for the day are thrown out in favor of nursing a brutal head-pounding hangover. He feels like shit. Needs a shower; just wants to put his head through the wall. A knock at the door goes ignored and somehow that means Izaya should just fuckin invite himself in with the copy of the key he had made.

"What the hell do you want," Shizuo groans, even before Izaya walks into his bedroom.

"You," Izaya says promptly, like this is a shitty porno. And then they proceed to fuck, just like they're stars of the industry.

In the aftermath, Shizuo stares at the ceiling and spends a few good minutes wondering what the fuck is going on. It's not like they're horny teenagers, jumping at every opportunity they can get. So what does this mean. Is he just a big people pleaser? Or does he subconsciously have some idea that humoring Izaya in the little things will save him that big headache later?

He keeps staring, keeps looking but there's no answer printed on the ceiling. 

Izaya's voice drifts easily to his ears. A simple, "Shizu-chan, shower." And he doesn't say it with a bite, like, _smelly monster,_ _go shower._ But he also doesn't say it with a purr, like, _Shizu-chan, are you coming? No? Well. I can help with that._

Shizuo puzzles over this carefully, even as he slides out of bed. The blankets slide with him, entangled around an ankle and he grumpily kicks his foot out until they're only sort of drooping over the mattress.

"Shizu-chan~"

He's about to ask Izaya if he's already finished when the man himself slinks out of the bathroom, hair damp, cheeks pink from scorching hot water. His eyes are bright. He's wearing nothing but one of Shizuo's shirts.

"You'll get cold," he says, as a half-assed attempt towards getting Izaya into something else.

"I'll get cold," Izaya says, very agreeably. He strolls past Shizuo easy and relaxed, smelling faintly of the fruity shampoo. The water from Izaya's hair has dripped, darkening a patch spreading from the back of the shirt's collar. Shizuo barely understands he's staring until Izaya disappears into the kitchen and out of sight. Shizuo shakes himself out of it and makes his way into the shower. The first spray of water is still steaming hot.

When he gets out, he's sluggish from the heat and the mirror by the sink is all fogged up. His head is definitely no clearer when he entered, but he's been distracted long enough to forget it was hurting. From being stupid last night with Izaya. 

_Izaya,_ his head sings, and he grinds his teeth as the coffeemaker does the same to gourmet beans, some expensive shit Izaya brought over as a gift from a business client. Shizuo hesitates when he pours it into one mug. Keeps his head up, carefully fixing his attention on the clock across the room when he calls, "Flea?"

No answer. Izaya's already gone.

 _Izaya Izaya Izaya_ his head garbles to him and he says back, "Shut up." Aloud.

A groan. He's too young to be going insane. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're afraid," Izaya had said, across the five meters gap Shizuo's allowed. "You're afraid of hurting anyone but me." Shizuo had glared, wariness heightening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: more mild sexual content

Izaya never quite gasps. But the noise he makes, with Shizuo's teeth scraping over his neck, is delicious all the same.

This doesn't change how pissed Shizuo is.

Needless to say, sometimes when one of them is having a bad day, their 'fights' get a little heated. 

Shizuo presses forwards, backing Izaya up until he's pinned between Shizuo's chest and wall. Izaya's lips part a little more as he draws breath. There will be bruises in the morning. Izaya's fingers weave into Shizuo's hair, fisting there as Shizuo mouths up the curve of Izaya's neck.

"You only come here," Shizuo murmurs. "Because of how damn lonely you are." Even if he's mad, he doesn't need to growl or snarl to get the point across. Not for words that accurate.

Izaya smirks. It's only a little less effectively obnoxious when he's flushed, lips red and swollen- because of _Shizuo._ Still, Izaya doesn't slow the hands sliding up Shizuo's chest, a signal that he should get to peeling off his shirt. "Well, yeah." Izaya is still smiling. "Lonely people have no one."

Shizuo bites over the curve shell of his ear. Izaya leans into it like he _needs_ it. Closes his eyes. For a moment, Shizuo thinks that's it, but once he's started moving south, Izaya continues. "And then. They find each other."

Shizuo glares. Whenever he's had a shit week, seeing Izaya sets him off only as often as it helps. When he gambles, he's supposed to just take on what he gets. But Izaya's so fucking annoying. 

The worst part is probably how hard it is to hurt Izaya. Hard, as in it is technically difficult to derive methods to get back at the sociopath, not hard, as in, some sort of reluctance.

In any case. This is how it always goes: Izaya pisses the fuck out of Shizuo and Shizuo wishes he had this one particular talent of Izaya. His best shot is plain pathetic, and Izaya only embraces it with unmatched enthusiasm. 

So. Shizuo should give himself a mental slap. Ask himself what the fuck is he doing. How the fuck they got here.

Why the fuck haven't they stopped.

Why he still doesn't have an answer.

Izaya grabs a fistful of his shirt and tugs him away. Even as they tumble into bed, Shizuo mumbles, "Don't be a pissrat today, alright?"

Izaya looks up from underneath long eyelashes, mouth still pulled in a grin. "Hm?"

Shizuo kisses him once, twice, to dissipate any delayed snark. He presses a third against Izaya's jaw, the edge of it jutting against his thumb.

"Don't get soft on me, Shizu-chan~"

Haha. Shizuo gives him an eyeroll as he goes for the lube.

Alright. How they got here is the least difficult to understand. 

It started with a chase, as it always does. Hurtling over rooftops and probably waking up lots of unfortunate citizens. The cold night air was nice. The heat from the hate and the adrenaline less so. Izaya yelling over his shoulders, talking shit had turned to talking full on garbage.

They'd ended up on some sort of roofgarden. Tried not to ruin the daisies and tulips as they ran. And then they slowed down. Or Izaya was and Shizuo did the same out of wary suspicion. He remembers thinking the only thing he could theoretically throw would be a tree and that he didn't want to damage the flowers and fruit trees, and then wondered if that's why Izaya had taken them here on purpose.

You're _afraid._ Izaya had said, across the five meters gap Shizuo's allowed. _You're afraid_ _of hurting anyone but me._ Shizuo had glared, sense of danger heightening, throat tight with tension.

 _And,_ Izaya said, conclusive, almost conceding. _I_ _love all humans and you're not human. I hate you and I'm not afraid of hurting you either._ He looked away from the weaving grapevines and met Shizuo's gaze. _We're oddly perfect for one another, huh._

 _Have you hit your head,_ Shizuo snapped, and then hated himself instantly because. It's the same old story. Izaya finds some way to wind him up and he always takes the bait. _Fucking idiot._

Izaya looked at him without saying anything. He's always smirking or laughing in mockery, at Shizuo's expense. Wasn't doing either. This wasn't how things normally went. But then again, if Izaya were predictable, Shizuo would have had him out of this city a long time ago. 

The moonlight made Izaya's shadow stretch out all the way to Shizuo.

Shizuo was unnerved.

Izaya started walking forwards. _Do you think I'm wrong,_ he'd said, voice soft in the silent city air, and voice soft without the cutting humor, the cruel amusement. 

_Izaya,_ Shizuo had said, had warned. Even if his pulse had slowed from freezing the chase, it was coming back again with the danger that Izaya was.

Stupid Izaya didn't listen, didn't ever fucking listen- kept approaching. Shizuo fucking knew he had knives on him, knew especially with his blood drying and flaking on Izaya's favorite switchblade from earlier.

Shizuo still wanted to let him.

 _Did you know,_ Izaya murmured, when three meters became two and Shizuo somehow had his heart crawling up his throat and pounding in his ears at the same time. _Did you know, humans can die at a fall from three times their height?_

 _Then push me off the building,_ Shizuo snarled. Steeled himself so he didn't shudder when Izaya's hand came up Shizuo's shirt, Shizuo's collar. Shit, he should learn to stop wearing white when it's just going to be bloodied. 

_I'm going to kiss you, monster._ Izaya said, eyes locked with Shizuo. 

Three seconds to get out of this mess. Three seconds to save himself from a stab wound to the abdomen, or if Izaya really went through with it, broken bones from being thrown off the six story building. Three seconds, his window of opportunity. 

Shizuo's hand went behind Izaya's neck as he crashed their mouths together.

They kissed until they were breathless and speechless and it wasn't as if Shizuo had anything he wanted to say to stupid fucking flea anyways. Izaya let Shizuo push him into the ground and the garden beds, laughing, _I've always wanted to do it in a_ park. Shizuo kissed him again. Even if it's years late, he finally had a method to shut Izaya up.

And then a little later, Izaya said, _nice grass stains. Bye Shizu-chan._ And Shizuo was so slow, Izaya had already hopped over the edge of the building, dropping from balcony to balcony to ground and ducking away and out of sight. 

And so. That was that.

But now they're here.

When Shizuo returns with the plastic bottle in hand, Izaya is on him in an instant. He bites over Shizuo's neck and Shizuo hisses. Maybe Izaya's satisfied with the reddening skin, or maybe he's pleased with Shizuo's reaction. Whichever it is, has him sinking to his knees. Shizuo forgot how nimble his fingers were, but now they're dancing over his belt, undoing it.

Shizuo hates him. He pushes Izaya off and moves away as he says, "I'm going to fuck you into the wall."

"Don't bruise me," Izaya says, getting to his feet gracefully. "I've got an appointment tomorrow and I want to be at my best."

"That's your problem."

"Not really." Izaya's eyes narrow. A warning, a ' _remember, Shizu-chan. I'm even better at making you miserable than you are._

Shizuo sneers. "What, so you want me to be gentle? Want me to make love to you instead?" Yeah, he's being petty, yes, he's being difficult. He's been frustrated all week and he just wants his way, just a little bit. Izaya can get out if he doesn't want to put up with the dynamics-reversal.

Izaya stares at him for a second.

The ' _what?'_ is budding on Shizuo's tongue when Izaya says, "I have to go."

Shizuo's initial surprise lasts long enough for Izaya to pull on his overshirt. But he doesn't say anything even as Izaya gets everything else he needs. Izaya says nothing either, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated
> 
> edit: omg my dumb ass forgot what i wrote for the summary and what i actually had planned for the first sdgjsdkgj okay pretend this makes sense anyways


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya very pointedly yawns into the receiver. He can picture Shizuo rolling his eyes as his low voice crackles over the line and into Izaya's ear. _"So...are you mad at me?"_
> 
> "...what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note if it isn't already obvious, chapters are going to be short so if you're a binge reader maybe wait a while for them to be out before you read lmao;

Izaya finds himself thinking something he thinks often enough, and that is the fact that Shizuo is an idiot.

There's one night, early enough in their arrangment, where Izaya goes over to Shizuo's, and he's too tired to be horny but he had said, had texted, he would. So here he is. Shizuo looks as out of it as he does, and so goes an exchange of barely-greetings, and staring at each other rather than surging into each other like it's a battle. Then Shizuo turns and Izaya follows Shizuo into the living room, cast with light from the TV. The TV, Cartoons.

Figures, Izaya thinks. The monster likes watching Tom chase Jerry and Jerry getting the better of Tom every time. Figures.

Shizuo nods his chin to the beer on the table, half-assing an attempt to say 'hey, we can get drunk and fuck after all.' Izaya helps himself to it anyways because even if he isn't gearing up for anything, it's something to do. If the need comes, he can play something off as being drunk or ask for the washroom for a break.

Jerry runs. Tom hurtles after.

"You said you weren't afraid to hurt me." says Shizuo and Izaya turns his head to look. Shizuo is still watching the chase. "Which means you're still afraid of me."

And this truly is the dumbest thing, Shizuo has ever said, Izaya thinks, trying not to roll his eyes. "Shizu-chan."

Shizuo doesn't reply, which means yeah, he's probably had a bad day, courtesy of his inhuman strength, but it really, _really_ doesn't mean it should have led to reconsidering their thing. (Things are _good,_ damnnit.)

Izaya waits until Shizuo will look at him. Doesn't wait long. "You're a huge idiot."

Shizuo rubs at his eyes. "Okay."

Izaya does roll his eyes at this. The beast is damn calm. Meaning he's damn tipsy. "Shizu-chan, are you afraid of me?"

Shizuo keeps his attention on the television.

Izaya leans towards him, darting a hand into a pocket and slipping out a switchblade. Instead of the serrated edge, he presses the flat side of the blade into Shizuo's neck. Shizuo flinches at the metal's cold. But his gaze finally slides over, meets Izaya's. His lips are pressed tight together, eyes wary.

"Good." Izaya breathes. 

This is their relationship. They fight, they fuck, and loathe each other mutually. This is them. Even if Shizuo can draw fear from him every now and then, Izaya can overpower Shizuo if he needs to. They're equals.

Shizuo better _never_ forget that.

Izaya holds his gaze for a few more seconds. Then Shizuo tilts his head in the other direction and Izaya lets the blade leave his neck and sinks back into his own seat.

He winds up spending the night at Shizuo's, sleeping in Shizuo's bed without discussion, without disagreement. He keeps to his side, quiet, watching the reflection in the window as Shizuo throws a second set of blankets at him. Shizuo doesn't draw the blinds before crawling back into bed.

So now they are 'sleeping' together. Izaya snickers a little.

"What."

"Nothing, nothing." He drawls. "Night."

And then six, seven hours had gone by and they'd woken up and exchanged the usual pleasantries (ones, running along the side of "good morning" and "get out, get out now.") And then that was that.

But Shizuo's idiocy rears its head again and again and again, Izaya concludes, as he slips away into the night, not bothering to close Shizuo's door properly. He waits at the bus stop and it comes in a bit, rumbling in the otherwise silent night. The other passengers are ordinary; three teenage girls and their boyfriends, a drunk old man, a couple of tired business men. None of them even look up as he settles into a seat in the back, meaning he can go ahead and ignore them. He has something to do after all.

Five minutes go by and he mildly makes a note that he may be losing his touch. Huh. And then two more minutes pass up and then, there it is, his phone going off. He waits for the third ring before he picks up.

_"Izaya, what the hell."_

"Hm?"

_"Don't play dumb, asshole, what the hell was that all about?"_

"Shizu-chan," he says, as patronizingly as he can. "Learn to use your words." He pauses, just long enough for Shizuo's blood to start boiling again, and then says, "Your pissy temper was ruining the mood."

_"Izaya. Cut the crap."_

"Alright, alright." Izaya leans back into his seat, relaxing as the slow fog of pleasure he gets from riling up Shizuo starts to wash over him. "I didn't want to do the deed because you were obviously upset."

_"Izaya, I swear-"_

"Yeah, I was messing with you and making you more mad the whole time, but that's our normal, right, Shizu-chan?" He continues. "Anyways, sex is supposed to help you destress, but you were so frustrated, I figured that if we went through with it, you'd just wind up hating yourself more. So I figured I'd be nice just this once. Now then. You can feel free to thank me, any time you want."

" _Are you finished."_ And Shizuo sounds more impatient with Izaya's lie than pissed.

Shame he didn't believe it though. _Damn_ , Izaya thinks. _Really am losing the skills._

_"You're so annoying, Flea. Don't you think coming up with a cover story is a waste of your own time?"_

The bus comes to a halt and a few more stragglers come on board, sinking into the first seat they can get. Izaya very pointedly yawns into the receiver. He can picture Shizuo rolling his eyes as his low voice crackles over the line and into Izaya's ear. _"So are you mad at me?"_

"What?" Izaya raises a brow. He presses the phone harder against his ear, like he heard wrong, before annoyance starts rolling over him in waves.

Shizuo throws him a curve-ball this once and the novelty immediately has him perking up like an overexcited dog? _Ugh_. He disgusts himself. His stop isn't for another twenty minutes and this is quickly losing its entertainment value. The temptation to hang up is very strong. His thumb hovers over the right button.

" _I said, are you mad at me?_ " Shizuo repeats.

"Why would I be mad at you," he says, and he hopes the idiot can identify the difference between irritation and being 'mad' at someone.

 _"Well."_ Shizuo says, and there's some background noise, or maybe he's just shifted the phone to the other ear. _"You asked me not to bruise you and...and then I was being kind of a jerk about it."_

Before a reply can come, Shizuo adds, " _Sorry."_ But it doesn't sound like an afterthought. He probably even means it.

This is unexpected.

Izaya collects himself. "I see," he says. "Oh, my bus is going through a tunnel. Text you later." He hangs up before Shizuo can say anything else ridiculous.

* * *

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actual note: because these two characters are both messes, there's going to be some unreliable narration occasionally.
> 
> broken notes: comments and kudos appreciated so so much, they're the encouragement that keeps me writing.
> 
> also pls look at shizuo this image gives me life and kills me dude and if Izaya ever saw Shizuo like this than not only would he immediately stop cutting up Shizuo's clothes but he would also spontaneously combust and die like a loser.

**Author's Note:**

> if you don't project on shizaya then you're lying and you should send me your tumblr handle so i can slap an "in denial" warning sticker on you
> 
> let it be known twyd is my hero and i look up to them


End file.
